Review of Bridlington’s new £25 million leisure centre



Yesterday we were invited to the new Bridlington Leisure Centre to review the facilities and the ace new splash pool there.

I tried my hardest not to get my hair wet and I’d stupidly put mascara on thinking I’d just, at the most, get in the water up to my waist. NO. I looked like a drowned rat when we’d finished. If you’re thinking of heading here, and I’d really recommend a visit, bare in mind that calling it a ‘splash pool’ is the understatement of the century. It’s proper splashy. They should have called it ‘The Proper Splashy Pool’.

Here’s the verdict that matters….

Leo’s verdict:

“I thought the pool was really good because it was splashy and the water guns were the best because I could get people. I liked the water slides and there were two big ones and one was orange and one was red and the red one was the best because it went faster than the orange one and I liked it going fast because I’m brave because I am four now. I could climb the steps by myself and you have to wait at the top until the light goes green like on the green man on the roads.

I did some somersaults in the water and it was fun because I had my goggles on and I didn’t even need my swimming vest on because I’m getting good at swimming. My favourite bit was splashing in the pool because I was allowed to splash and nobody even told me off. Next time I go I’m going to make porridge soup in the baby bit but I won’t splash any babies because that’s not very kind and they might cry and that would be sad.”

Wedding dress shopping with my fiancé

This weekend, in a rather unconventional move, I took my fiancé with me to choose my wedding dress. Yes, some of my friends were horrified, “you can’t do that!!!” one shouted at me. When I asked her why, she told me it’s bad luck. Well, we’ve had a hell of a lot of bad luck since we got together and we are stronger than ever, hence the whole getting married thing. I didn’t see that a stupid, age-old superstition was going to make much difference. Not only that, but he is my best friend and his opinion counts more than anybody else’s, it made so much sense to me to take him, almost stupid not to.

We headed to a boutique in York and I picked out three dresses before heading to the fitting rooms with an assistant.

The first dress I tried on, I knew I didn’t like as soon as she began forcing it over my child-bearing hips. More so, I knew Jon would hate it too, it just wasn’t me. But, because the lovely assistant seemed to think it would suit me and because I like wasting everyone’s time, I stood patiently while she tugged at the ribbons holding in my fat bits. I looked like an overweight mermaid; one that should spend less time flirting with sailors on rocks and more time swimming. I stepped out of the fitting room and before the curtain had fully gone back, Jon was shaking his head, “no way,” he said. Alright dick-head, at least be subtle.

So back in the fitting room I once again stood patiently while she released me and I could breath again. Meanwhile, I could hear Jon dishing out fashion advice to other brides-to-be like Salford’s answer to Gok Wan – “it looks lovely Lisa, but do you feel confident?” I heard him say. Jesus. Who am I marrying? “We don’t get many men in here,” the assistant told me, “a few dads, but never grooms”. And it occurred to me, there bloody well should be. Jon’s always one for an honest opinion and I could tell the other soon-to-be wives appreciated a man’s view on what she would be wearing for her big day.

The second dress I tried on, although beautiful, wasn’t me either. It was too floaty and as Jon said, I looked like a fairy. So dress number three, I loved. I came out and Jon’s face lit up. I spent ages twirling around in it in front of the mirror before deciding that we’d leave for lunch, have a think and come back. Jon was hungover as hell from our gin-drinking session at home the evening before and was desperate for a panini.

“Is it the one?” he asked me when we left. “I think so, but I really wanted you to cry when you saw it,” I told him. “Darling, I’m so hungover and dehydrated, I couldn’t force out a single tear even if I wanted to,” he replied. So, we spent the next hour discussing ‘the dress’ before heading back to the boutique for me to try it on again. Back in the fitting room with the dress on, I felt something was missing. I don’t want to give away what it was but once I’d added that something, I knew it was the dress for me. I headed out of the fitting room and, thanks to him having rehydrated with a bottle of Evian and a Coke from Greggs, or perhaps because I’d moaned about it, I got my tear. “You look beautiful” he told me welling up, and I wanted to cry too. “SOLD,” I told the assistant. More tears from Jon once he’d seen the price tag and we were on our way with one beautiful wedding dress.

“When I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be buying my wedding dress,” I told him on the way home. “When I woke up this morning I wanted to fucking die,” he replied. True love, right there.